Taking a Break from Sex? Here’s How to Reclaim Pleasure, Confidence, and Calm

By now, it’s a truth many women know well: Sex has not only the potential to be wildly pleasurable, but supportive of our well-being, too. But what about the effects of not having sex? We know less about that—which is why we’re diving deep into that question today.

For all of the fantastic stories about how regularly engaging in sex can cut cortisol levels, improve sleep, decrease pain, and improve immunity, I’m occasionally left wondering about the effects of a break in regularity—aka a dreaded “dry spell.” I recently came across an article detailing what happens to your body when you stop having sex, and it encouraged me to seek out other expert advice.

Feature image by Michelle Nash.

Understanding the Effects of Not Having Sex

As a woman whose entire pre-college education was at Catholic schools, any sex-positive literature, podcasts, and beyond have been a beacon to me as an adult. There was so much I appreciated about the Catholic school environment, but shedding the veil of shame around certain acts, particularly sexual ones, has been a valuable personal process—one aided by the idea that sexual health is about more than just avoiding diseases and unplanned pregnancies. It’s also recognizing that sex should be an important, beneficial part of life.

Read on for some of my most notable discoveries, as well as insights from our team’s resident health and wellness expert, certified nurse midwife Lauren Zielinski (MSN, CNM), for those looking to break a dry spell.

The Mental and Emotional Impact of a Dry Spell

It’s no secret that sex can be a mood booster, but what happens on an emotional level when things slow down or come to a stop?

For many, sex isn’t just a physical act. It’s a form of connection, intimacy, or even confidence. So when you stop having sex, it’s natural for your emotional state to shift in ways that might not be immediately obvious. Some people report feeling more irritable, anxious, or disconnected from themselves or their partner. Others may notice a dip in self-esteem or a subtle (but real) sense of loneliness, even if surrounded by love in other areas of life.

It’s important to remember that a dry spell doesn’t mean something’s wrong. It’s simply a signal to check in—with your body, your emotional needs, or how connected you’re feeling to community. If you’re feeling off, you might ask yourself: What kind of touch, intimacy, or attention am I missing right now? Sometimes, a hug from a friend, a long bath, or even dancing in your living room can bring you back into your body and brighten your mood.

And for those not in relationships, or who are choosing not to have sex for any reason, know this: You are whole and emotionally fulfilled with or without sex. Keep prioritizing ways you do feel nourished through physical or emotional connection, and making space for your own sense of self to thrive.

Blood Pressure and Stress Levels May Increase

Sex provides a regular release of endorphins. If that isn’t happening, then corresponding levels of stress may increase. Fortunately, there are other active ways to achieve similar results. Consider substituting healthy, heart-pumping exercise for sessions between the sheets. Think movement, breath, and pleasure in other forms. A brisk post-work walk, a heart-opening yoga flow, or your favorite morning workout session can all increase blood flow—offering many of the same cardiovascular and stress-reducing benefits that sex does.

“If you’re feeling really overwhelmed, insanely busy, and are never in the mood for sex and want to change that,” Zielinski says, “then it’s time to activate your self-care defense mode.” She advises dropping one or two commitments that aren’t crucial, penciling in “me time” on the calendar, and remembering that it’s okay to say no.

It’s not just about doing less—it’s about doing what restores you. Whether that’s a solo hike, a mindful moment with your coffee, or finally saying no to the group chat that drains you, lowering your stress levels is an act of daily maintenance. And while sex can help, so can a thousand small choices that bring you back to yourself.

Navigating Menopause? Here’s What to Know About Vaginal Health

Menopause is the rite of passage that no one quite prepares you for. And while talk about hot flashes and mood swings is common, one of the more overlooked topics is how vaginal health can also shift during this time, especially if sex (solo or partnered) isn’t happening regularly.

Board-certified OB/GYN Lucky Sekhon, MD, explained to Well+Good that when there are long periods without regular sex, the vaginal canal can tighten, “which can lead to thinning of vaginal tissue and predisposition towards tearing [and] bleeding during sex.” Not exactly the “freedom years” vibe we were hoping for.

The good news? There are gentle, proactive ways to support your body through these changes. During a recent conversation with Dr. Macrene Alexiades about beauty and wellness trends, she emphasized that regular sexual activity—or masturbation—can help maintain the health and elasticity of the vaginal lining. It’s a form of self-care we don’t talk about enough.

And if things are feeling a little less than comfortable? Let’s officially retire the myth that painful sex is just something to accept. A natural, body-safe lubricant can make all the difference. There’s no shame in reaching for a little extra support. Your body deserves compassion, curiosity, and care during every stage in life. Menopause is no exception.

It May Become Harder to Get Turned On

It turns out, desire isn’t always spontaneous. It’s often a habit. Like so many things in life (working out, meditating, drinking water), the more regularly you engage with your sexual self, the more naturally that spark tends to show up. So if it’s been a while since your last encounter and you’re finding it harder to get turned on, you’re not alone.

Like so many things, the desire for sex generally follows the rules of inertia: A person having sex will continue to desire sex, while a person not having sex may no longer have that need. “For some, this will have the effect that it becomes harder to get turned on, even if you want to,” sexologist Carol Queen, PhD shared with Well+Good. In other words, sexual energy often builds on itself—so taking a long break can sometimes make getting back into the groove feel a little… stuck.

That might sound discouraging, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. A 2014 study published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality suggests that desire plays a big role in the overall quality of sex. Meaning: Cultivating a sense of longing or curiosity around sex—through fantasy, touch, flirtation, or simply tuning into your body—isn’t just important, it can make the whole experience more satisfying when you do choose to engage. Sometimes, the desire comes after we create the space for it.

The Surprising Benefits of Not Having Sex

In a world that often equates sex with wellness, success, or even self-worth, choosing not to have sex—whether for a season or indefinitely—can feel like swimming upstream. But a dry spell isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, taking a break from sex can come with its own unexpected gifts.

For starters, stepping away from sexual activity can offer space for clarity and self-reflection. Without the physical and emotional entanglements that can sometimes come with sex, many people find it easier to tune into their intuition, process past experiences, or reconnect with themselves in a deeper way. It can be a time to rediscover what you want, what lights you up, and what kind of connection you truly crave without outside pressure or expectation.

There are also practical benefits: more time, more energy, and often less emotional stress (especially if past experiences have felt complicated or unfulfilling). If you’re healing from a breakup, exploring celibacy, or simply reprioritizing your own well-being, this time can be an act of radical self-love.

When a Dry Spell Might Be a Sign to Check In

There are a wide variety of reasons—all perfectly normal—why we might go through a dry spell. Sometimes, however, a long-term dry spell might be worth a closer look.

If you’ve lost interest in sex and can’t quite explain why, consider what else might be going on beneath the surface. A sudden or extended dip in libido can sometimes be linked to things like hormonal imbalances, chronic stress, depression, anxiety, or even side effects from medication. If sex used to be something you enjoyed and now it feels out of reach—or off your radar entirely—it may be time to check in with a trusted healthcare provider.

Consider Zielinski’s guide to boosting your libido. (Expect a few surprising ideas.) And consider her thoughts on when to try sex therapy, and even meditating before sex.

And if sex simply isn’t something you’re craving right now? That’s okay, too. There’s no universal timeline or “should” when it comes to desire. What matters most is that you feel empowered to check in with yourself and get support if you need it—whatever that looks like for you.

This post was last updated on April 26, 2025 to include new insights.